plants with motivating sign

Many people ask themselves, “Why me? Why did this happen? Why am I like this?”  But, when we answer these questions, we tap into our shame and guilt.  This leads to negative thinking that we are a terrible person.

Instead, when you ask why, ask a different question.  Ask, “How can I?”  Turn it into a motivational question that can lead to finding a solution.  “How can I find a solution to this problem? How can I learn from this?”  This will take the blame off you and give you some control in solving your problem with a positive solution.

The questions you ask yourself can change your thinking and change your life to a more positive future.  Dr. Kim DiRé, a Psychotherapist from Healthy Futures in Scottsdale explains this in the following video.  Contact Healthy Futures in Scottsdale if you would like to change your future to something more positive and visit our website at

Dr. Kim DiRé:  Hello. My name is Dr. Kim DiRé. Oftentimes, patients come into my office and they ask the question why? “Why me? Why did this happen? Why am I like this?”

I’m going to offer to you a new way to be when you hear why or when you ask why. Oftentimes, why, we answer it like, “I’m awful.” We tap into our shame and guilt by answering why. “I’m a terrible person because I did this awful thing in my past.”

I offer that when you ask why, that’s a prompt to a cue to asking a question of, “How can I? How can I become more motivational, become a way to a solution?” Instead of why me, or how can I move to this difficult situation, or how can I learn from this. Use the how can I to find a solution that’s more meaningful. It takes the blame off of you.

The next time you ask the question why, try asking, how can I, and see how fast you come up with a positive solution. Thank you.