How to stop judging yourself so harshly

July 24, 2019

A lot of times in DBT, dialectical behavioral therapy, we talk about having a nonjudgmental stance, just notice, don’t judge. What happens when others judge us, and they’re not practicing that skill? What do we do?

Have you ever heard that an opinion of another about us is none of our business? That’s the truth. It isn’t any of our business.

How somebody feels about us or thinks about us is their opinion. What matters most is how we feel about ourselves and, if we need to improve something about ourselves, then we have the opportunity to do that.

When we start believing what others make up about us in their opinions, which isn’t fact, then we become imprisoned by pleasing that person, trying to get them to like us, or help them see us in a different way.

What if that other person over there has a different judgment about us, and now we have to move over to that side and help that judgment along? It’s none of our business.

We need to stick to what we know about ourselves, improve what we need about ourselves and, if someone has a judgment about us, we need to stay out of that business. It’s none of ours, and we can’t control it, anyway.

Man stressed on park bench

The world is judgmental

It would be great if people didn’t judge others on every little thing. It would even be better if everyone liked everyone else, but sadly this in not the case.

You may have heard some opinions about yourself from others, and have tried to figure out how you can change those opinions. The issue here is, those opinions are not actually any of your business.

How someone else feels about you is their issue. You only need to concern yourself with how you feel about you.

Trying to change every judgement others have of you will imprison you. Concentrate on what you think about yourself, you can improve things about yourself that YOU want to improve and do not concern yourself with others opinions of you.

Control what you can control.

How somebody feels about us or thinks about us is their opinion. What matters most is how we feel about ourselves and, if we need to improve something about ourselves, then we have the opportunity to do that.

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